The last two years were more than just an exciting ride for me. A lot of things changed, I have changed but most importantly i made a huge progress towards a life, I would only dreamed of. If u asked me five years ago what I think I would do with my life in the future? I wouldn’t even spend one minute thinking about the dream I m chasing at the moment. It is probably my bad too that i decided to start a blog about my whole journey NOW. Because we already missed the start of the show, which is important to understand the whole story, right? But I will give my best to give you an insight of the last two years. And its more an insight that plays inside my head and what I experienced and maybe one of you might take anything from it. And it sounds like that a lot of things happen in that time and you are probably right but without all the experiences and changes we will never be able to find our true selves.
I was lucky enough that I could figure out what my true values are and where my real talents lays. After going through a life that everyone tells you to live. But the older I became (and we are talking about my early 20’s) I figured out that the concept of life is just fake propaganda. And I don’t blame society nor the government and more so I don’t blame family and friends. Who are probably more guilty since they have a bigger impact on us day by day. And yes it is damn hard to stand alone with your thoughts against the people you love and when you decided to break out of a manipulated society. But thank god we have the luxury to be born in the 21 century where you will find same minded people all over the world who you can connect with via internet. (thanks for that guys!) And don’t get me wrong i love my friend till death and i fully support their way of living as long as they are happy.
I had times i felt lost and depressed, something that came from the inside which I just couldn’t explain. And I also didn’t know how to get rid of the feeling so I just did what everyone did to forget about their dissatisfaction. – Chasing stuff lots and lots of stuff and fun but that kind of fun that makes you forget who you are and where you are. Nevertheless when the burden of responsibility started to hit our adulthood, my friends and I started to work on our own life and problems separately. But the dissatisfaction didn’t disappear, it might got even bigger.
So I would do new things, always trying and going after things that interested me. And I didn’t need to force myself doing it since I always have been a little curious girl who gets excited about so many things.(and still am)
Anthony Robbins and Les Browns videos belonged to my daily routine and also reading a lot of spiritual books. So it reminds me not to fall back into my same old patterns, since I didn’t figure out what really I wanted to do while I just kept living the same life like before. But I were always conscious about that life has to be more than that. And by “that” i mean studying, get a 9-5 job, get kids and a house and go on vacations in summer, and hating the rest of your days complaining about your boss or your work.
So I kept going and going maybe for another year or two. But I didn’t find what i was looking for.
Till then I was 22 still studying, buying shoes and bags and go out partying.
But September 2015 while I was still studying fashion management half hearted. I went on a trip alone to Iceland. And you might know my youtube video about Iceland. But not only was the beautiful travel video the only result of the trip. It was literally life changing for me. Things happened on the way i never expected they would happen. And I could master all of them somehow without knowing anything about camping or so. I drove around the whole ring road which is like 1350 km (838 miles) . And stayed on my own for 10 days. I really did not talk to anyone and i felt lonely too at times. I could go more detailed but I cut it short. I booked 2 weeks before I had to attend the flight and I had no camping gear and nothing really organized . I got there hoping to get a car rented without a credit card because i didn’t have one that time. And I crashed the car a bit hoping the car rental would see the damage and I don’t need to pay. And luckily I really didn’t have too because it was a dodgy car rental place where they lost the sheet of paper marked with the “existing car damages ” already ( I had the copy in my bag when i returned the car rental place *grin* )
So one big tip if you want to discover Iceland with car, get a SUV 4×4 otherwise you won’t be able to see all the beautiful places where the roads ends. Or you just do it like me risking the car to get damaged. –
I also slept one day in the car because of a heavy rain and the battery was empty the next morning so I was on a highway like those kind of movies “highways” where truck drivers would pass by and me standing on the street waving for people. I got saved after 3 h from a nice couple in a camper van.
So many many things and obstacles came along the way, but I never felt so good. I remember one scene where I was sitting in my little Citroen just driving on the complete empty road facing some huge mountains and listing to a song of the weeknd. I sang so loud that I teared up.Overwhelmed by my emotions.
I stopped and I got of the car watching that crazy rainbow on the horizon and I screamed so loud like i’ve never done before. My scream would return to my ears like the mountains were screaming back at me. And in that moment i felt so strong and so weak at the same time.
When i got back home I was so overconfident that i truly believe that I could climb the Mount Everest if I really wanted to. ( I still do)
But Iceland was the fuel that caught fire and made me truly believe I could do anything no matter what as long as i really want it with all my heart.
So my energy and my believe runs like a wildfire over the ocean believing i could tame the waves.
And this is the reason why I’m not afraid that no matter what will happen I will make it somehow.
My experiences might seems not so big or difficult for some of you. But doing something like that for the first time as a kinda “fashion girl” was something completely out of my comfort zone.
And that is what life, or feeling alive is about. To be scared but still do it and i promise you, this feeling you will get when you once see you will own the situation, its not only addictive but its a kind of feeling no one can ever make you feel.